Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
Don't. You get on the 18 year old. I'll get on the 38 year old. Together we will bridge 2 decades of cock.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Apparently it's bring your ugly annoying ass piece of shit slob of a baby day at work
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Randomize
