MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
I bought this skirt with every intention to have it wrapped around my tits by the end of the night. So, I'm not a whore. I'm a self-fulfilling prophecy.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Do you remember some guy walking around the club saying "boner patrol" and smacking people in the dick?
Yeah, that was you
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
My drug dealer just made me weigh out my own weed because he was in the middle of taking his law enforcement final
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
you just cant say you love him and then say you want to fuck your boss
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Randomize
