yo my bday is less then one week away. hope youve found another annoying candian i can lick dairy products off of. also sorry about your loss
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
My brain is like scrambled eggs. If scrambled eggs were trying to escape out of my skull through my forehead.
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
I am passing the whore torch on to you my friend. Do me proud
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
