please tell me I'm in your upstairs bedroom. Just google mapped myself and I have no idea where I am.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
New universal law, if a movie has a Rob Zombie song in it, its probably a bad movie.
things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
The new google images is a smorgasbord of porn now are plans for tonight are off.
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I came so hard my ears popped.
However many condoms you have, it isn't enough.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
