You two were too busy to notice that his used condom landed on me when he threw it.. Thanks.
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
He says he quit drinking. I'd like to have a moment of silence for losing the best drunken hookup ever. We will build a memorial to his awesome cock.
I was just reelected president of justgotlaidsylvania
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
Just want to apologize again for asking to spot your form in the shower.
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
He came home at 2 AM on roller skates with his hair dyed pink while singing "Sweet Transvestite" and throwing glitter on all of us and everything we own. We had to call a cleaning guy.
She rode me wearing nothing but a Santa hat. Merriest fucking Christmas!
That awkward moment when your drug dealer pulls your boss out of the snow
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
Randomize
