hahaha Yeah oh well, she wrote on my facebook wall, That's almost like a digital hand job
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
just found preset five on the shower head...pretty sure my pussy just had a panic attack
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
theres always time to masturbate. my grandpa taught me that.
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
we got cut off at 8 am. He spilled his drink three times on the plane. this should be one hell of a vegas trip
I was the king of the handle race. My team finished it in 56 minutes.
you don't get it. Nobody wins a handle race. there just degrees of losing.
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
I'VE LOST MY DIGNITY, MY PRIDE, AND EVEN MY BOOTY CALL. HAPPY THANKSGIVING.
There comes a point where there's just condoms and old mcdonalds in your garbage can and you can't tell if you've won or lost.
Randomize
