I wanna blow your doors off so bad right now.
Doors?
Rock your world. Blow you out. Skeet skeet.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
Found her laying down in a booth in iHop. She's a keeper.
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
Is it awkward to ask someone I've slept with to officiate my wedding?
i convinced her i need a blow job every morning to wake up because i have a medical condition.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
i woke up to drewlling on a plate of eggrolls half naked halfway between my bed and the floor, and i have no idea where my pants went
Randomize
