you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
i'm just going to get a pitcher of margarita. sober up by 10. and then do my accounting project
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
Me either. I want to get 'chase a stray cat through the neighborhood in my hooker heels' drunk. And it's your birthday, so you have to get 'best friend holding your hair while you puke in the bar bathroom and cry about your life' drunk. In a feather boa.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
The only explanation I can think of is that he still likes me. Which gives me an enormous amount of power over him and makes me laugh with malicious intent.
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
We fucked while The Odyssey played in the background. Homer would be proud.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
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