Seriously, I'd take them all over any of the milfs here...and you know how much that means coming from me
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
dude you guys. You can't throw up in the recycling bin. I don't think vomit is recyclable
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
Did you put Adderal in the fishtank in the lobby? The fish are acting like Olympic sprinters. Asshole.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
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