Just used the D.E.N.N.I.S system successfully.
I just found out you can file for divorce online. I love America.
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
I just found a thank you note I apparently wrote to my bed last night for letting me borrow the comforter.
We're trying to decide between cracker barrel an the ER
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
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