guess who came home with a hottie last night
Def drugged
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I told myself this year would be different, I wouldn't get "pee in a fish tank drunk".. Got to the girls house... Fish tank in her room.. 2 years in a row.. had to keep the tradition going
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
All I remember is a very aggressive two-stepper who inadvertently made me give myself a black eye with my own beer
I bought Plan B for the first time and an interview outfit today. You could say my life is improving.
I've had sex to the movie Tommy Boy too many times to be acceptable.
Nice. I got home at like 3am.stopped at Walmart for a vacuum and weirdly a trash can. Not sure why high me last night needed a new trashcan.
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
Plan before tomorrows interview: wash off green glitter from EVERYWHERE!!!
Tell me you're alive little brother. And please tell me you didn't get arrested. You made no fucking sense last night in your random texts and pictures you were sending me.
Randomize