Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
Man now I have poo on my blackberry!!!
brownberry?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
i'm pretty sure i just ruined some dude's romantic riverside sunset proposal by running outside and puking in a bush.
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
we traced the origins of this shit fest of a relationship back to a single instance of road head. then we did a reinacment
At least you have booty calls.
True. I just waste them though. I feel like I need to be told "there are people in this world who would give anything for just one and you have two." You know in that same tone your parents told you about the starving people in china
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
