Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Im sorry for drunkenly throwing your phone into the ocean. At the time it seemed like a good way for you not to text him
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I let a guy with dreads drive my car, then demanded he take me back cause I don't let strangers drive my car, while repeatedly apologizing for being a cock block.
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
i don't remember going ever taking off my pants but my pubes are shaved into a K and kelsey is passed out in the shower.
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
with the possibility that i could very easily fall in love with him and i've actually talked to my HUSBAND about it
I'm bringing my passport in case we get drunk and wind up in Mexico
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
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