Hey sorry about saying i hated you. it was the coke and the ice cream.
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
I make my boyfriend pay for half of my birth control. We call it his monthly rent.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
This tiny Canadian guy just tipped me $20, a piece of gum, and a joint. I wasn't working. He literally tipped me for talking to him.
I'm still in my ugly sweater and underwear drinking coffee next to a plate of assorted treats we stole from the party. I got a new sweater by the way, its shoulderpad-y and looks like a news anchor got thrown up on by Liberace. I'm pretty proud.
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
I WAS KIDDING ABOUT SLUTEMBER BUT ITS ACTUALLY HAPPENING
This isn't good. I can't find my mom. This is why we don't give her Fireball.
He told me was "pretty like the wife in some movie where the husband is a cheater." I think I'm gonna fuck him.
You should come over tomorrow. Wine, pizza and my vagina. Those are all great things.
You're even getting laid in my dreams, god I'm a good wingman
have you ever tried to puke in an automatic flushing toilet? impossible
Randomize
