It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
he's a nude model. what could you have done to make him feel awkward??
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Just thought you should know the man you CHOSE to father your children has once again fallen asleep on the toilet. thanks mom
I'm going to need a Jurassic park sized pooper scooper to deal with all this shit last night caused.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
