1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Just saw the hottest 4 garbage men ever. They should make a calendar
Just so you know.. I just graduated college with your name still written on my chest
If that doesn't scream bromance I dont know what does
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'd say I'd distract him, but I lose my psychic powers when guys get girlfriends. And by psychic powers I mean taking off my top.
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
Woke up this morning with Nerf Bullets stuck to everything in my house and nut in my belly button. What exactly happened last night?
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
