I hope I'm pregnant just to spite you.
between no blow jobs for the rest of his life, or no cheese for the rest of his life, he chose no blowjobs. ive never felt so bad about my bj abilities before
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
I would accept a super bowl ring as an engagement ring
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
try to milk me bitch
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