if you are receiving this text, you are one of the people i hate
You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
just threw up on dog. broke microwave with cheese and spoon. having a bath with my barbies singing final countdown.
before you ask yes i found the absinthe under your bed. ITS THE FINAL COUNTDOWWWWNNNNNN
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
His grandma held his dogs so they wouldn't follow me out the door. It was like a whole new level added to my walk of shame.
Would you like to partake in getting high as fuck with your best friend and then proceeding to cry over the shit head guys we deal with?
He sent me a picture of his dick saying "your throne my lady" for my birthday. He knows the way to my heart.
I had the hottest doctor assess me at the hospital. He smelled like heaven and sex.
Wait I can't come yet Mr. Brightside is playing
ok i defs just took my shirt off in the middle of a frat party though so keep me updated
SHE POOPED THE CONDOM WHOLE
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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