my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Sometimes I really think that if... When your stoned you have a catlike ability to just relax in any position
"We hooked up and in the morning he emailed me his mix tape"
You start to question your party girl tendencies when you're wearing the same shirt you wore the night before to work and you're trying to get last nights Jell-O shot off the sleeve on your way to work
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Randomize
