Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
I think i morst likely have 95 %patulas for hands and probably i also went to eGypt with so manyfriends. We laids in the sarcaphoguses.
You sound pretty unsure about all of this.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Sometimes I think I have so much sex with you to be sure you're actually straight.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
He sent me a snapchat of him singing wrecking ball. Guess what the wrecking ball was. Hint: he literally came.
Sorry I wore your bra during sex last night
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
