You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
So called my VP's house on Sunday drunk and told him that if he didn't hire me for the new position I would skull fuck his wife. They asked me to go home today. Thanks again Vodka
3am cut off hipster s***'s afro on porch. Opened champagne. Felt like delilah cutting off samson's hair. Then shower & anal. So I guess his powers are intact.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize