Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
I don't remember anything after falling in the ditch, but I now have confirmation that my rib is broken. Never drinking again.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
when you come over can you bring tequila and my birth control? Thanks girl!
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