from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
80% sure the drag queens carried her home
I've Ubered to the bar three times this weekend to get my car but every time I get there I end up drinking. Still no car.
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Randomize
