How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
You got stoned and bought $300 worth of pudding. Again! Why do YOU think she left you?
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Fucked a DJ on a jetski today... I love florriidaaa!
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
Randomize
