Who haven't you slept with?
No one comes to mind.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Thanks for ditching me last night. I got a ride home from the Dominos delivery guy. You owe me 3 large pizzas.
That reminds me...we need to get swords
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I was trying to sing daddy wasnt there from austin powers but apparently I was crying and and yelling jibberish...I get to into this shit
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I'm drinking apple juice and champagne while watching crossroads..like the classy bitch that i am.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
Nate is still in lock up because when the cop informed me he'd shit his pants in the squad car I declined to post bail.
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
Randomize
