my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
i was concerned by what you said you would do for a snickers. It wasn't even a Klondike bar.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I don't care how hot he got, I can't get past the PTSD flashbacks of the first time he fingered me
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
Just once I'd like to throw a party where I don't have to clean up someone else's blood the next morning.
We never did figure out who the stuff on the wall came from, did we?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
Let's put a bunch of beers in a backpack and shotgun them in a Red Lobster bathroom
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
I may have unintentionally punched your cat twice but he's an asshole anyway.
My mom just told me I look like darth vader. how's your night?
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
Btw I appreciate you as a friend for taking the time to validate my sluttiness
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