3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
From the prices on this menu it looks like I have no choice. I have to blow him.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Huh interesting. Well thats too bad. Did he catch on?
I doubt it. After sex he sat there naked until the episode of fresh prince (which had JUST started) was over.
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
Dont worry, the Canadians are more afraid of you then you are of them.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
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