Apparently he's never heard a queef, he totally thought I farted and got freaked out.
was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
She either was great at sex or I finished the whole bottle of svedka my self
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
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