Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
I just accidentally stumbled into an AA meeting...I think its a sign
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
note to self: an IV pole is no substitute for a stripper pole. Written it on my ankle cast.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
If you're not on crutches for breakfast, I'll feel like I've failed you.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
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