Don't be mad at me. I know peeing in your drawer is 1 thing and peeing on you while you're sleeping is another, but im sorry..i love you
Every time he makes fun of me for anything I just remind myself he ate ice cream out of a strippers vagina
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Fuck him. I'll set him on fire for you. Then we'll see how good of a firefighter he is.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
Trustme, don't ever look up when you're giving road head. It's awkward.
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
"I made out with someone too, but then he tried to fuck and I played dead"
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I hope you know, that by sending me a cat meme back, you've entered in a cat picture battle; which never has an end in sight.
The duel has begun.
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
Randomize
