$4 taco and $400 parking ticket. i am not a cheap date.
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
Drinking and pointing where stuff needs to go is hard stuff.
oh god I've lost the ability to distinguish between 'star trek' and 'the future'
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
I might have pissed in the corner of someone's shed. They have nice lawn mower.
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
WHY DID YOU NOT OFFER TO LET HIM STAY
Dude, it's like you want him inside me more than i do
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
what the fuck happened to the tacos
Randomize
