I thought Christmas was going to come before I did
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
That's actually a fantastic idea... The kinky sex dungeon will be vastly improved by the addition of a lightsaber
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
If I have to masturbate more than twice a week you fail as a fuck buddy. Just so you know...................you failed
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
I really love you. Like, more than tequila...& we both know that's my favorite.
Randomize
