FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
anyone who buys me chipotle gets an automatic hj
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I thought you were single?
I am. But thats cuz no one wants to marry shame and regret doused in tequila. But thanks for reminding me ya dick.
By the way anyone who is willing to be in the film while tripping gets free shrooms.
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
