yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
you told me your penis was albino and it couldnt be exposed to light so you needed to keep it in me
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
someone wrote my own number down on my hand and then call me.
She may be more beautiful than I am, but I bet she hasnt pissed in as many public places as me...
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
How in the fuck did you get LIVE MOTHER FUCKING BATS!?!?! Into my ROOM last night????
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