So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
So is chris hansen cool in person? Or is it just awkward while you wait for the cops?
splinters make it hard to masturbate
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
I was doing drugs in the men's room so my employee went in to the woman's for the same reason but left proof and got caught. Had to fire him cuz I bogarted his dope spot. Awesome.
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
I'm going to tell you something and I want no judgement because it's america day and I'm wearing an American flag bathing suit but...I woke up in a yard.
Randomize
