I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
Some girl, somewhere, is going to wake up with my face paint on her vagina
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I left the guinea pigs on the dryer. Make sure to take care of them.
I just want to meet whoever runs the hall cameras
hahahaha I don't. Watch one day i'll be walking along and someone will stop me and say "oh you're that one girl who is out. of. control." But then they'd probably give me a high five.
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
So the bar crawl I'm on is a "90s bar crawl" and I made the joke about a few overweight girls that "lack of concern for your weight is so 90s" it did not end well
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Hey does the gas gauge in your car work?
Nevermind...we figured it out. Heres a more relevant question, does your insurance have roadside assistance?
Randomize
