How, after 24 years of life, did I manage to revisit breastmilk
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
You -do- realize there are other things to talk about than just how different parts of you smell like pussy, right?
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
I just told the bartender to “give me something that will murder me”
Randomize
