me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Yes I want to fuck your friends but it's out of respect and love for you.
Maybe tomorrow I'll be drunk again and can provide you with texts at a more reasonable hour. Here's hoping. GOodnight. Tebow loves you
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
My boobs weigh the same amount as 25 pancakes
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