I cant talk right now they are about to fuck again
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
Eating a popsicle in the shower was the best idea I've had in ages.
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
