hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
After much deliberation I've decided to name my penis "Arthur", hope your mom's surgery goes well.
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
She's gone now. Left with the wind like a majestic leaf that just rides the invisible current to locations unknown. And dude, her friends were really hot.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
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