I'll just stay a virgin forever then
You still have to go anyway
Then I guess I'll have to start sleeping around
I did the walk of shame to another booty call
I don't think that should turn me on, but it does
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
Ok so the guy below me is either having sex very loudly or is very lonely
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
She said my dick tasted like a junior mint. Ive decided im using this soap the rest of my life
Something's wrong. Everything's on fire. Unless it was like that before. Then everything's alright.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
Im covered in coffee vomit and urine and none of which are mine
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
Randomize
