well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
You told him you were auditioning guys for your new show: "So You Think You Can Fuck."
Best pick-up line ever!
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
There's so much relief when you realize you wake up in your own bed
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
The cougar has a calendar on her wall of when she can give topless handjobs again. I pity her husband.
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
I just twinged a muscle in my shoulder trying to hug myself. In the world of loneliness-based injuries, this is a new low for me.
I'm gonna give the church their tithe, and the rest is a down payment on boobs.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
I party with great urgency now.
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