I look better un-naked...
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
we're making bets on your personal life
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Oh I already celebrated valentine's day. I stayed up until 4 AM listening to biggie, drinking rum, and caressing all my girl curves in front of the mirror. And then I came 3 times.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I was dreaming of a parallel reality and in the dream I just looked up at my present self and was like "you're high, man"
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
Randomize
