I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
who the fuck is that kid sitting with you...
I don't have any fucking idea. I woke up and he was there. I'm kinda creeped out.
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
She apparently grabbed another girl and pulled her into the shower fully clothed. When the girl was like "you need to stop" she curled up into a ball and refused to leave.
Whoa, you know how to pick em.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
I bet your mom's never met a girl who's thrown up at the presidential inauguration before though.
I mean, it's a romantic picture of pubes if I've ever seen one
If y'all wanna know how far the apple fell from the tree I'm sexting during Easter service. Mom would be so proud 😳
My mom just said "okay girls, the ONLY thing i ask is that you stay sober Saturday afternoon, until halfway through lunch. And you don't wear that crystal camo hat. This is a funeral, not a tailgate party"
Best wishes.
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
