could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
I too understand the importance of cheesy bread
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
He went down on me in his escalade and his dick is bigger than my forearm. I'm never going back to white guys.
Why is your signature on my underwear?
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
But on the up side she uprooted a whole peony plant from the hotel downtown and said, "I brought you flowers"
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
Have you ever wanted to murder the Sun? To bring the life-giving fusion reactor to a bitter end because of the sheer agony it brings to your eyes as it keeps you awake. And for waking the birds. Fuck birds.
Randomize
