I microwaved pizza rolls, a hot dog, and bacon in the same plate with no paper towels. I drank the grease at the end. I'm going to vomit everywhere.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
If you ever find a dick that big chop it off and bring it to me.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
Biggest penis I've ever pity fucked
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
She's in the hospital because she tried to steal a toilet seat from an outhouse and fell off the bank. We're gonna hang the toilet seat by the pool.
Of all the things that can be stripped of me i'll be damned if it's my vanity
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
He kept saying I needed to go to the hospital and it just made me want to call him a pussy so I went to bed
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
Listen gotta draw the line somewhere. Apparently that line is at my nuts.
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