sometimes I think that if I just met him. he would have a crazy realization and fall madly in love with me. what do you say? I'm not just another fan.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
He told us that was the only place he could get service when we found him in the closet passed out with a beer
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I'm not leaving my family to go to a strip club on good friday.
I just wanna get hammered somewhere crazy. Meet some chicks. Bang them and then go scuba diving.
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
the woman that waxes my lady parts just hugged me...
were you wearing pants?
no.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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