His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
You decided it was too difficult to walk down the stairs so you just rolled across his kitchen floor laughing like a maniac and trying to drink at the same time
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I was just thinking about our drunk conversation about having sex with elephants the other night. Love you bud. Stay strong.
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Well hell, he's gotta sleep in the bed he's made. Multiple times. For multiple girls I'm sure.
Randomize