I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
i just noticed 4 flies in my red wine. i drank them.
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
we found him. outside on the balcony, sitting on a bucket, with his pants off, swearing he was'nt taking a dump
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
My signature move is making guys wonder why they bothered in the first place
He has a British accent. He could read me the phone book and I would come so hard he would need a wizened old man in a rowboat to save him.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
Randomize
