I've been thinking about all the girls in my life in terms of applying to college.
Huh?
I guess what im trying to say is that your my safety school.
nah, its part of my diet to keep track of the servings of everything i put into my body
how many servings is brandon's dick?
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
At least we kept it together. It's people like him who yell at bushes that give acid a bad name
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
the whole "pretend to be sober/pull it together for my family" thing really blew up in my face when i threw up into my pillowcase.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
Apparently she almost had an affair at Outback Steakhouse, details to follow when I get home but the apple really doesn't fall far from the tree
Easter was a success. We had an egg hunt and hid weed and conforms inside them. Cooked a ham, made some jello, got wasted. THIS is adulthood?!
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
She sent me a video of herself sitting in the car stone faced listening to the Titanic song on silence. She won't answer my texts.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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