Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
If I come over right now will you promise to distract your grandpa in the morning so I don't have to do the walk if shame with 1940's style judgement?
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Btw if you ever get emails that pretty much contain 'bwahhhhh jatkkvsweuo' it's safe to assume it's me.
Eric was just sitting there open-mouthed swallowing sake from that squirt bottle for so long the lady across from us leaned over to her kid and told him not to end up like "the big alcoholic one"
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When God closes one door, he opens up a taller, smarter, more successful door, with a bigger cock and nicer teeth.
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Unless my dick prospects improve this year’s Halloween costume will include panties with “DTF” written on them and a push up bra
Randomize
