There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
He just keeps repeating "this isn't my bagel".. i'm worried for his safety
He's the kind of drunk guy that would pee in your mouth while you give him head.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
I can hear the pillow talk now, "how many condoms did you bring? Good, put them all on,"
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Randomize