I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
its was like we drinking an entire bottle of mystery
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
You kept going up to guys in plaid and screaming "are you a lumberjack" in their faces
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
you should never start the day with a boob text. It can only go downhill from there
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
He's a douche. But I like the way he chokes me.
My drunk is wearing off and im starting to feel like this dolphin tattoo was a bad idea.
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