We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
pretty sure mid blowjob I told him I needed to call you and ask you if this was whore-ish. He hid my phone from me.
My roommate's all sad and is crying and the chick I want to bang is in the room and Nic Cage is on fire. What the fuck.
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
My logic for bringing him home was, he's in law school so odds are he wouldn't kill me.
Now I can't say for certain but I'm 90 percent are I bathed myself with dog shampoo last night
Driving from bar to bar trying to recover all of the possessions I've drunkenly lost over the course of the past few nights. Actual nadir of my life and absolute height of shamblyness.
Props for using the word nadir
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
Randomize
