I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
We watched scrubs, then I got a shower blowjob which led to shower sex and the living room floor sex. Now she's baking cookies. I may not be studying, but I'm doing something right.
He asked if I could ever take him seriously, I told him I just like his doggy style.....needless to say I snuck out after an awkward cuddle session... I wont be calling him at 2 am anymore.
We're going as conductors of the hot mess train and nobody rides for free
Our tip jar will say "just put the tip in, see how it feels"
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
To be fair I went my whole first week without showing up to work drunk!
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
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