We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
Can we talk about the cons of throwing up in the bathtub. there are no pros.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
It's the only time I've ever felt manly shitting myself
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
a pizza costume came into my possession last night. needless to say i showed up to his house wearing only the pizza, shouting "delivery" into his window.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
I feel like a weird modern Betty Crocker. I'm icing a cake and looking at gay porn, if that's not an accurate portrayal of the 21st century idk what is.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Probably should start having regular sex again too to lose this breakup weight. Good cardio.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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