If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
officially hit rock bottom.. been yelling through the vent in my room to my little brother trying to convince him to get me water for the past two hours. i fear feeling the full effect of my hangover if i stand.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Repeat. Dildo on the ceiling, confiscated potato shooter, and bottle of yegger. Repeat. Ceiling dildo and yegger.
Turning 21 will be slightly bittersweet. Never again will I be able to get underage drunk at Disney World, now I'll only be able to get legal drunk and that just sets a whole different and sad tone for my life.
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
I added a U.S. Senator on snapchat....casual.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
