Drunken candy land NOW. Dont fight the urge... you want to.
"what do u think of parents raising kids to be peeping toms" said guy on bus 2 me
my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
It feels like New Years Day all over again...me trying desperately not to throw up in the backseat & mom and dad blissfully unaware in the front
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
So apparently I was a completely different person lastnight, one who drinks scotch and makes out with 55 year old men who look like inspector gadget
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
Randomize
