Wasted at the beach. Toasting underage, overdeveloped girls. God bless 'em.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
maybe i'll make good life choices and keep my legs closed. periodically txt me friday and saturday night saying "baby carrot round 2" that should stop me.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
So the crazy cock blocking bitch sent her a picture of her boobs using MY phone and said: he's busy at the moment
She called it a palate cleanser. She and her friend dike it out once a year before returning to dick
Together or do they pick up? How far do they go? IS AN AUDIENCE PERMITTED? GODAMIT ANSWERS MAN!!!!!!
When the strippers start dancing to Christmas songs it's time to get the fuck out!
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Is it acceptable to pay for WiFi on flights solely for the purpose of getting on Tinder to find a sugar daddy on the plane that doesn’t mind upgrading me to first class?
Do it. You’re flying for two weddings. You’re gonna need that first class.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
Randomize
