it's taking a lot of effort to be mature and not reply to her with like a video of bestiality porn
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
she gave me a handjob while we were watching elf.... it's that time of year again!!
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
Oh the joys of strong arming a man into exclusivity
i drank out of a bidet.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
I thought I would be a proper lady and put my spare panties in a ziplock
So here's a tip: don't give a blowjob the same morning you're going to the dentist. Cuz they will think you have "mouth trauma."
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Dude. So. Much. Sex. Find a girl in her 30s. Now.
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