And just as he was about to come, he screamed "Oh Christy!!"
What's wrong with that? Your name IS christy.
He then said, "Oh shit, sorry Julie."
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
So my class is approximately two vomits from the bus stop. Happy first day of class
She helped me out of the car and i face planted into the snow.....and just stayed there and took like a 30 min nap.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Randomize
