fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
....I found a picture of what appears to be the underneath side of the barstool (taken from the floor) and to top that, 9 pictures of the ceiling. Also, did I mention there's a picture with us posing with a pregnant lady at the bar?! WELP
Ita all starting to make sense i need vodka like i need air
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
I tolerate his mediocre drunk sex for the mind blowing morning sex. More than worth it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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