I'm drive I can fine osifer
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
Drunk me was responsible for doing it, but sober me was definitely cheering him on
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
I bet, I woke up to you like naked at 4 in the morning shoving a sandwich in your face
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
before i went to bed i wrote myself a note that says 'i feel all swirly'
Randomize
