well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
I had a dream that I had 21 friend requests. it was the best day
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
Every time I hit my bowl my neighbors set off fireworks... I stop, they stop. I start again, they start again. Too high for this.
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
I'd just like to formally thank you for the size of your dick. The gods must really love you.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
i found you laying on the floor staring at the ceiling and you kept muttering "why" in various inflections.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
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