today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
The EMTs said they would give me as many blankets as I wanted if I didn't pee in the ambulance. They even turned on the sirens.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
OH. MY. GOD. FUCK HIM. JUST GRAB HIM AND FUCK HIM.
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
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