I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
we went to a bar last night, drank beer in plastic cups. I took pics w/a random kid i pulled into a photobooth & i have easy mac in my purse. I belong here.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
I am currently sitting on a candy bar to warm it up cause it was in the fridge so I can eat it while watching the last song and smoking weed by myself
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
We started a fund for a baby in a wine glass, I think we're pretty responsible.
You ran full speed into the glass door with your Patron and yelled "FEEL THE RHYTHM, FEEL THE RHYME"
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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