Wow, Pearl Harbor and The Notebook are on. Its like the Im going to kill myself marathon.
my feelings for you are synonymous with those of a grizzly bear and salmon. i don't want to nom on you; but i need you to survive
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
I found him in his pink and white boxer out side the dorm hall and the only thing he said was "it wouldn't let me in"
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
A boy in some branch of the military kissed me I think I'm going through an American sniper phase
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Also you know what's irritating? When the guy you're sleeping with refuses to like any of your Instagram posts
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
He was more upset that I got into his phone than about getting caught cheating.
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
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