Can Purell be used as lube?
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
well its a long story but basically i overcame many cockblocks
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
You should photoshop their heads on tigers first!!
For my parents' annivery card? How high are you?
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
I think it's your fault my nipples aren't sensitive anymore.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
the bastard is cheating on me with some sleazy barista from Starbucks
That’s his wife they’re back together
You say potato, I say sleazy barista
Randomize
