I need to go to a fraternity... my boobs are telling me to.
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Found a beard hair in my crotch.... care to explain?
I think the camel was justified in biting me.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
Turns out the grown up version of seeing your teacher shopping is seeing your therapist is on tinder
Randomize
