i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
ok this guy next to me just sat down with a no joke, 10,000 page book, popped an addy, cracked open a red bull and opened the book to page 1.
Just saw a guy from Kansas and a guy from Nebraska arguing over who had less of an accent. God Bless the Midwest.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
He has pizza coupons and a hammer next to his toilet.
hes duct taped to the wall and we're throwing eggs at him. i love thirsty thursday.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Not sure who they are or where we're going but they just bought me 3 tacos so I'm staying.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
Randomize
