finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
my voice of reason is faarrr too drunk for me to listen.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Apparently I was holding on to a pizza crust for hours last night.
I feel a bullet train of disappointment headed in your direction.
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
He wrote me a Haiku titled, "Let me touch your butt".
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I need to start journaling my drunk thoughts. Drunk me is fucking brilliant & sober me is missing out.
Did you make it home alright?
No I'm sitting under a tree by a cricket. He's alone crying out for someone to Fuck him. This guy gets me.
Randomize
