He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
Hooked up with my old baby sitter last night, so what do I do? As I was sucking her tits I decided it would be a good idea to say " goo goo gah gah"....it wasn't a good idea.
she asked if i had a condom...i said yes...when we finished it wasnt on...told her it was at home on my dresser.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
God I feel like the rain man of hangovers.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
It's rum buckets o'clock
Believe me honey Imma fuck the discount out of at least one plastic surgeon in my life
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
I'm currently using a band-aid to cover my bar stamp from last night while I ask my professor for an extension. That's a sign of getting more responsible, right?
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
