So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I ate shit on a rock, and when I got up this car full of people asked me if I was okay, and I just sprinted away screaming "I am a banana!"
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
I used an emoji to tell him I was pregnant. I should feel bad about that, right?
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
Anytime he goes down on me i automatically think of you cheering me on. Your a good friend.
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
