Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
Then he told me I had the most beautiful looking vulva
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
As weird as that was it was probably the best advice i've ever gotten from a tranny
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Randomize
